- so... fuck.
you know when you smell certain things randomly and it just brings back floods of memory? yeah. sweet, synthetic plastic, like a condensed powder floating up into your nose. gasoline whiskey, leaving memory on your toung, reminding you that you were once so nieve, so young. a time before you felt like this. already cold and wandering on mushrooms thinking your gonna die, the poison is just too much for your thin little being. each page of a book turned, you're back where you started, at the first book that ever made you want to read. the smell of popsicles that have been in the freezer for decades, the smell of dog hair, of autum, of decayed cancer soaking in embalming fluids. of gunshot to the forehead. of churches, the smell that sinks into the woodwork, the smell of desperation and guit. the pure smell of upturned soil, of feeling it under your nails, reminds you of running wild.
all the small simple things connected to smells you'll remember forever. of the things you have done, the people you may have forgotten. and looking at your life now, where all of it has brought you, feeling life like the rapid heart of a rabbit, the unique smell of memory, all mixed up into one being, i sometimes cannot understand living and having a mind to remember.